you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
