My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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