Someone shit on the floor
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
