Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Randomize
