My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
