I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
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