I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
