she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
