Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
