sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
