:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I intend to get homeless drunk
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
