Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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