OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
