I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Randomize
