Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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