the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
