dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
