Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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