She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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