smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
