My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
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