she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
