put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
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