Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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