Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
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