i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
