its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Randomize
