i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
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I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
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I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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