well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
