So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
