I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
