I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Randomize
