I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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