Please don't use social media to get back at me.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
