GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Randomize
