I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Randomize
