it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
