I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
