just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Randomize
