You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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