We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
What did we do last night that was yellow?
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Randomize
