Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
