Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Don't tell me you're on acid again
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
