Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
