Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
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we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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