i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
