And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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