its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Randomize
