Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize