i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
