Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
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