I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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