So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
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