tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
