Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
