He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
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