Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Randomize
