This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize