shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
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I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
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I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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