never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Randomize
