I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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