Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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