Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
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