Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
