My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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