I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
