So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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