Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
