In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
