Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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