Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
And then my night got REAL pukey
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
