why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Are these your boobs on my camera?
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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