I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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