While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
You have to summon your inner elephant
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Randomize
