I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
