it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Of course I have a pirate flag
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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