you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
